Past, Present and Future #2

THE PAST:

The person in this photograph (it's the least intrusive photo I own of said person) is one of my closest friends, who for the sake of this blog, is called Jeff Nerval (That is a fake name... I know you know, but I was just checking... all right, calm down I'll carry on!).

I've known Jeff for a large number of years, since my last year in Highschool if I remember correct (which I often can't thanks to the whole memory issue thing discussed before)

Anyway I digress, when I met Jeff he was just another guy in a bunch of guys who all spent our weekends causing trouble, going on adventures and drinking heavily.

Fun Jeff Fact# 1: 
I accidently made Jeff quit drinking alcohol when I jokingly told him to "down it" when he was sipping from a 70cl of Vodka... He then, to everyone's surprise, downed it, fell off a cemetery wall onto a tombstone, ran off into the night and eventually "instant-translocated" (Don't ask) before having to go to hospital and have his stomach pumped. He didn't drink for around 10 years.

Throught the years Jeff has been a constant, he has obviously grown up a lot as have we all but the adventures mostly came to an end once he became addicted to online gaming.

The reason this is put into the past section (even if we are still currently very close friends) is because he is the one friend I've never had a major issue with. Sure I have my minor niggling things, but that's part of who he is and I'm not deluded in thinking I'm perfect, far from it.

Jeff Grievances:
1. Smokes heavily... what makes it worse is that he wants to quit. Now I'm no fool, I know it's not something that's easily quit (Having done so myself, 5 years ago), but every time he lights one up I envision that his life span slowly decreases, and as one of my closest friends that's painful to think about possibly having to attend his funeral. Now I'm also aware that it's a silly viewpoint, anyone can die at any point for any number of reasons. But I think about a lot of things often.

 2. Is highly addicted to gaming, to the point where reality has little meaning.
Now it sounds excessive, but I'm 90% sure that if his PC / gaming devices died, and there was no way to get a new one he would actually be struck with the reality of life. Now the longer this happens, the harder reality is to accept. He says he'd be bored, which is probably now true. But he wasn't born on a PC, and used to spend a lot of time outside just messing about. Now as Jeff is in his mid 20's it's not as if I'd expect him to hang out at the arcades, but I think the problem is that he hasn't found a real passion. Gaming isn't even a passion of his, just a way to kill time otherwise he'd look into screen play, level design, sound design, storytelling, user experiences or even make youtube / blogs about games he reviews.
I might be wrong, but to me, gaming is to him what watching the TV is to others, a past time, a window of enjoyment that can never last, but more importantly, detracts you from what is real.
Basically I think the guy still needs to find his passion / hobby / interest.

3. Has low self worth.
For many reasons which are not for me to discuss, life has told this guy you're not good enough. Reality is that this guy is great! He has solid opinions that even if he's talking to someone with the opposite viewpoint he'd eventually say "fair enough" and not hold it against someone.
Respecting peoples opinions, more so when they differ to your own shows a high level of maturity and advancement in compassion.

4. There is no 4. See, what a great friend this guy makes!

Fun Jeff Fact# 2: For someone who has a fairly unhealthy diet and lifestyle, Jeff can backflip, front flip and pretty much any other crazy thing on a trampoline.


All I really want to talk about, past wise, is that no matter what I've been like (and I've been many things) he has been a constant. I really think highly of the guy and just want him to realise that he's 25. He's seen little of the world and has nothing tying him down, whenever he finds the whale (Read last post for reference) no matter where I am, I'll help him track it down.



PRESENT:

(This photo is old, but it's purpose is still used today)
Oddly, this is one of my most sensitive photos, it has huge significance to me.

I took this photo 4 months deep in depression (around 5 years ago), on a cocktail of meds and I took this photo.

What is important is that when I took this photo, I thought I was smiling and taking a flattering selfie in good light and looking happy.

The reality is that the drugs made me a zombie, I had grown what can only be described as a homeless beard, I was overweight and sleeping constantly. When I saw the image (some time later) it made me realise what the drugs and depression had turned me into, I didn't like it and made some big changes.

I show myself this image very often, to remind me when I've fallen that I've not even fallen as close to the bottom of the pit as I had before, and if I had the power to crawl back up that jaggard cliff, I can do so again.

Never give up.


THE FUTURE:

The future is looking interesting, with these large projects in the works I plan for the future to buy a really high-end graphics tablet and a high profile laptop so I can do digital painting on the move.

After work, and Gym I'm beat, I'm calling this post for tonight.


FINAL WORDS: (Like Jerry Springer hahaha)

Hold onto good friends, good friends will be there for you no matter what or how long you've not spoken. Make sure to let them know that you appreciate them.

Never let your past dictate your future, but importantly learn from it.

And lastly, keep trying new things and upping your game at what you think you know. You'd be surprised what more can be discovered!

Peace.

Past, Present and Future #1

It's been a while readers, a good while all the same!
I've been working on a few fairly large scale projects and as exciting / terrifying as some of them appear to be this blog has fallen to the sidelines.

Between, fitness, work, projects, nutrition and planning I've simply not had the time to properly engage in this, which I'm not really sorry for. I mean after all being busy has been very beneficial to me and it's not as if I've had a great deal of engaging topics to discuss.

I've decided to start a little series of posts, I'm not sure for how long they will be but as the title suggests these will be about the past, present and future. Without further adieu, let us begin!


THE PAST:

This Photo was taken around 2009, so a good 6 years ago, I've changed so much physically speaking since this was taken and I suppose I've changed mentally even more so.

The story behind this photo is one that lends a hand to my heart; adventure.

My father called me that day to talk about something that I no longer remember and before he ended it he mentioned toward the conversations end that he had spotted a dead whale on the beach (miles and miles away from the road, across a channel of water, miles of marshland and nearly half a mile of sand in the distance).

Now dead whales on our beaches are not that uncommon, maybe one every 2-3 years. I've always wanted to be one of the people to take a few of the deceased animal's teeth to aid my habit of owning strange things but every time one washes up, you arrive to find that the tooth fairy had visited long before you.
I couldn't waste time, who knows how long it had been there today!
I rushed off, grabbed my flatmate who was off work and together me and her started the long adventure to find the fallen giant. Halfway across the murky and somewhat dangerous marsh we say a giant laying on the beach, too far away to tell a shape but definitely viewable, and definitely giant.

Now to cut a long adventure short, distance can alter perspective, what appears giant, small, what is small, giant.

And this photo is me, standing on the whale.

You might think this seemed like a fools errand, hours of walking through difficult terrain seeking a treasure that never existed, but for me this is a clear and distinct metaphor for life.

I was happy, not because I got to see and steal some whale teeth, but because I got to share an adventure with my flatmate / best friend. We got to find our treasure, it wasn't the whale or the log... it was the journey.

For me this instilled my love for travel and adventure, for me, journeys are the meaning of life and their outcomes almost abstract to the point of irrelevance.

THE PRESENT:

This Photo is only a handful of days old, I took it while sitting on an embankment overlooking the same marshland I trudged across in search of the fallen whale.

I decided that a lot of my own personal issues stemmed from a natural intolerance for thoughts when I'm alone. Honestly I'm thinking non-stop about many subjects and a lot like when you're at a party or sitting next to people constantly talking on the train, sometimes I want to climb into my skull, slap my consciousness and yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!". So I tend to spend a lot of time not alone.

Even when I am "alone" at home, working on the PC you'll find 90% of the time I'm talking to someone on Skype / Facebook / Social Networks. I'm naturally very social, I know that, but I also think I use people to quieten down the rabble echoing around my skull.

So recently I've decided to deal with myself, I now spend periods of the day alone, outside looking at the sky and nature, it calms the noise and lets me take real time to think. Not about anything in particular but I allow myself to breath, and instead of suppressing the noise, I now listen to it. And you know what? I'm learning more about myself, my shortcomings and my strengths daily. I've had ideas and concepts for projects flooding in, years of suppressed mental activity let out into the playground, and I regret nothing more than not doing this sooner.

Give yourself some time to be yourself.

THE FUTURE:

The future is something I'd often look toward, plan now so that things may fall into place later, but I suppose the future is a lot like looking for a dead whale washed up on a beach. While you're walking forwards heading in the direction of that solum silhouette take a moment. Take a moment for yourself to look around at the things you've passed, be careful on what you have to tread on to reach your goals and don't be too surprised if that whale you've spent so long looking for turns out to be a tree.

Just because you're not sure if that big thing in the distance is the whale you've been searching for, doesn't mean you shouldn't have a go looking for it, who knows, you might take away more than you bargained for.

Your future is countless threads branching off, which one you take is mostly up to you.

As for me, I'll strive to work hard everyday to find my whale (I'm starting to understand what it is now) and if you want anything worth having in life don't expect it to come easy. Work hard, grit your teeth with a smile of satisfaction and enjoy the ride.

No matter what, no marathon was run standing still, make sure that regardless of size, a step forward is a step closer.

Thanks for reading, fellow whale hunters.