Since this is a weekend post I'm going to call this Bonus content.
Anyway I've been away to Birmingham for the last time (I only have got to go back for a single day in a week or two) and then since I arrived home I'd not been feeling too well.
A little back story behind being ill, I don't get ill.
Sounds strange but in all my years I've only been bed ridden maybe 3 times, each from tonsillitis.
This time I've been feeling under the weather, feeling tired, irritable and mostly run down.
Today I woke up, feeling nauseous and tired as well as a sore throat and a slight cough, added with all my joints aching led me to believe I have seasonal Flu.
Big deal, it sucks but I learned from a young age, for me personally I have to be active to get better. So I took a walk and eventually a nap when I was feeling very bad, but after a long hot bath and some food I feel ok again!
Anyway being tired and the such is the reason I found it difficult to try and post the last few days, and to apologize I thought I'd share some personal information.
No real reason but I juts feel like opening up a little, which for me is hard indeed.
The thing I love the most:
Friendship, I value most in this world is friendship and the ability to understand people. For me I have always believed that the biggest problem in this world is not the frequent inhumane acts we see on the news or even the people starving while others can waste, I personally think, if you took it all down to its most basic level, its the lack of understanding.
Slavery was an act where no effort was made to try and understand. People never saw a slave and thought, I wonder what his life is like, and what could make it better.
Wars with religion are all based on a lack of understanding, understanding that we can co-exist and that the wars that are raged are not in honour of their gods, but in honour of our own primitive desire of destruction and violence.
It is often hard to see a view that contradicts your own, and having the gift to analyse and see things from both sides will save a lot of bother in your life.
I saw a video of some young men beating to death two tramps in a forest (its on a news site I visit) and it was horrific, this all started because the tramps had eaten their cats.
Now instead of stepping back and thinking why did they eat the cats, the automatic reaction was to become enraged and eventually murderers.
I bet those tramps did not grow up wanting to become cat eating tramps, and I certainly do not think the cats were killed for fun, they were killed for food, what you have here are 2 outcasts of society fending in the wild eating whatever they can to stay alive.
What those people needed was compassion and understanding, maybe even empathy, rehabilitation and a chance to live their lives as valuable citizens, and perhaps not to be murdered.
As long as a bad society stays bad, their will always be homeless people, so really all the homeless people become are a by-product of a bad system, a system which I think needs changing.
A stubborn person is hard to argue with, I know this as I have a stubborn farther, the problem is that in their mind there is only one answer, and its the answer that they have concluded on one sided evidence.
Here is a personal moment for you, when I was a young kid, maybe 10-12 I got into some trouble with some older kids who were bullying me and a friend, back then I was tiny and weak and to be honest frightened.
I remember this well as it was the first and last time I came home and opened up to my dad about it, hoping that he would talk to them or at least solve the problem.
I told him, and we went back to the playground, the two boys were there, and my farther got out the car and is an intimidating guy for a young kid, anyway he asked them just what had happened, finally I thought, this will be over.
Anyway he came back to me and told me we were going home and that I lied to him, apparently I had called one of the boys (who wore glasses) four eyes.
Total lie, but they were older and for some reason he believed them over me, since that day I've never relied on my farther for support, maybe when the car breaks down I'll call him, but that's because I have no idea about cars, but in life, if I have a problem I go to my mother.
I know your thinking that perhaps I'm painting him in a bad light, this is not true. Regardless of flaws parents are parents.
I just wanted to explain, we have always had a stormy relationship, I've always done the things that are opposites to him, drawing at a young age, liking video games, and not having an interest in sport like he always had, so I can see how it might have been hard for him to relate to me.
That one moment, that one time... it's funny how some things really stay with you, and from then onwards I always thought I'd have to live life my own way, and rely on nobody but myself to get things done.
I'd be interested in hearing defining moments of your life, readers?
Things I fear most:
Top of the list, is death.
For me death is a big issue, since I'm not really religious and only very partly Buddhist I find great difficulty in following something I do not believe in.
This is were I might get all philosophical and spiritual.
Uurrgh I'm blabbering, let me get to the point, I actually wish I could believe a religion, the reason is I'm terrified by death. Religion gives you the comfort of thinking that their is more, I personally think when we die that it is it, the end.
Reincarnation makes little sense to me, because if the population constantly expands, how can they all be resurrected souls? so for example say there are 400 people and the next year there are 700 people where did 300 souls come from? you could argue from animals etc, but if they keep populating then it still makes no sense.
Anyway, death seems so absolute! an infinity of nothingness, not even thought.
For me this fear came from college, when we were playing the game where you breath in and let people push on your chest, causing you to faint briefly.
I don't remember it happening, I remember waking up, and firstly thinking that when we die, we won't know, and from there on we cease to exist. for me a very scary thought.
If I had a religion to cling to, that notion of absoluteness would be a lot more easier to swallow.
Favourite food:
The problem for me is I've always been a person that flutters between foods, liking something one week, disliking it the next.
I suppose the one constant, the one thing I'll always eat, would be ice cream.
Weird eating habits:
I have to have a little of every element on each fork, so for example if it is a fry up, I'll have a bit of bacon, sausage, egg, hash brown, toast and beans on each fork load.
I have to have a drink with every meal.
I have tomato ketchup on macaroni and cheese.
My worst trait: Jealousy
This only applies to relationships, After a few bad relationships and being used a few times I have developed a were notion that everything that can go wrong will go wrong.
I get jealous when people get to spend time with my friends and girlfriends if I'm stuck alone at home or something, I suppose my problem is not jealousy, it's loneliness.
I get lonely very easy, spending most my time home, alone, gives me more than enough time with myself, and I find myself tedious and argumentative with myself, if that makes any sense. always over analysing and arguing to myself, contradicting and thinking constantly.
Fun facts:
It took me 3 years to tell a girl I loved her.
I have a scar on my forehead (very small) that was the catalyst for me losing 5-6 years worth of memories.
I once ate 6 litres of ice cream in one sitting.
I once had a pet cricket called rambo, who lived 4 times longer than it should have.
I failed my fireman training test paper twice (mathematics paper) maths is officially my weak point. But passed the fitness exam while having the flu, a guy who worked at a gym failed.
During my first year or two in my flat, I slept in a bare room with an air bed, now my room is completely crammed full.
I'm struggling to find more things to talk about, so This is your chance readers, I PROMISE to answer any 1 question per person, no matter HOW personal.
So go for it, ask away!
Peace readers I hope this has in some way been a remotely interesting read.
Wow, it's been a long time, I had a few personal issues going on that kinda prevented me from typing and put me in a bad place. I'm not going to talk any more about it, what shapes us is not our pasts, but the present.
